I'm married and my husband never had pets growing up, so as adults we adopted two cats and dog. Now the dog has been gone just over three years, and the oldest cat just recently. My husband has taken both deaths very hard. (we have no children) As an animal lover I want to "jump back in", as it were, yet he is reluctant. Should I give him more time to grieve or just move on to another pet? Don't get me wrong, I grieve with him over the loss, yet I know pets don't have the life expectancy that we wish, and I can grieve my pet and love a new one at the same time. I just need to know if I should give him more time or force the issue and adopt a pet.
Answers:
You sound like a very thoughtful and loving wife!
To answer your question, there is this idea that still says that because pets aren't people that their loss is, essentially unimportant. Here we hear a lot of the phrase "get over it" from well meaning but not very sensitive people (ever notice that those who say "get over it" can never fully explain how to do that?).
The fact, however, is that we mourn the loss of anyone we love, whether it is a spouse, dog, cat, bird or even a pet tarantula. We each need our time to grieve and we all need to understand that there will never be a time when we don't miss our departed loved one.
However, I have to admit that three years since the loss of your dog is a long time. You didn't mention how recently your cat died. I wonder if your husband is suffering from what is called "masked grief" where, basically, he hides his grief so as not to upset other people. It is equally likely that his emotional investment in the love and care for those pets was heavy and so his loss is just as heavy.
Wait a little longer (let's say a few weeks). Then, if need be, talk with him about the idea of seeing a counsellor. Emphasize that it is not because you think he's overdoing things but that you love him and only want for him to be able to work through any loss and grief issues he may (likely) have.
As for you, well, have you considered volunteering at your local animal shelter or SPCA? Look in your phone book and see if there are any volunteer organizations with a pet motif (such as programs which allow volunteers to bring pets to nursing homes). Remember that you both have your needs and you both need to have your needs met. Don't keep it a secret from him. You could say something like, "*, I know you're really taking the loss of and . I grieve their loss, too but I really need to spend a little time with other pets. So, I've decided to (insert action you've decided to take). It would be nice if you could come with me but I understand if you don't want to."
.or something along those lines.
Finally, never ever force any issue on him. What you think is appropriate grief may not be what he thinks.
But, once again, I really appreciate your thoughtfulness. Your husband is very lucky to have a kindhearted wife like you.
I would give him some more time. When he's ready I'm sure he'll want to get another.
u should first let him grieve then show up with a new pet, he will learn to love it
Sometimes a new pet can help the healing process. There are so many pets out there that need homes. Tell him that you will be doing a new animal a favor and not betraying the other animals by replacing them "too soon".
gosh, sorry about your loss. I know the feeling. Wait a couple more months and then just " suggest" looking at your local animal shelter and see if there's one there that will tweak his interest, if not..may need to wait a tad longer.
I think he's had healthy time to grieve.You should go ahead and get a new animal! On top of that, most ppl that say they will NEVER own a pet after theirs had past say that because they hurt.It will help him to get a new one.I wish you both the best
You need to convince him to get another pet. When my family dog of 14 years passed away my father could not get over the loss. It was my mom who convinced him that the house was empty without a pet and that getting a new dog would be a great help.
You must realize that one of the reasons he does not want a new pet is because you feel a sense of betrayal to your old pets. Explain that getting a new dog will never replace your old one. Keep this experience in mind when you are getting a new dog. Consider looking for dogs that have a long lifespan in the 14 - 16 range. My parents decided on a Yorkshire terrier and they couldn't be happier. My father is back to playing with the dog and is grateful that my mom convinced him to get another one.
We could not have loved our two dogs any more than we did. Our female died of CHF and within two months our male died of a broken heart. They had been together 9 years. What a beautiful love story, but how it broke our hearts. Their passing was handled with pure dignity and so much love. Within two weeks we had a new little baby girl in our home. I felt a bit guilty at first, considering the idea. knowing we could never "replace" our beloved angels. And believe me we grieved them. But what we did discover is that in order for us to heal, we needed to give our hearts away again. We know our animals are only here for a short while. We need to respect %26 love them as much as we can, considering the unconditional love they provide. but when they go I believe it is important to replace not them but that empty feeling you have. When you give love, it runs through you and makes you feel better! You know if your dog could talk in heaven, he would be telling all the new little angels that yours is a great place to be! :)
Wait awhile before you get another pet. And just a suggestion, Maybe you should have some kids, unless your not ready that is. Good luck to both of you. And sorry about your loss.
Just bring home a new puppy. It helps. I had to put my 11.5 year old dog to sleep last year and waited two months to get a new one. I should have done it sooner.
See if you can get an animal with a longer lifespan. If it doesn't die as soon it will not be as sad.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment